 It always makes me have a good laugh when Jack Chick does a tract against Witchcraft. As if there's such a rampant problem of witchery and human sacrifice in this country that something has to be done NOW before it's too late! Here's a great tract from 1987 called THE POOR LITTLE WITCH that is pretty over the top.  Boy for all the people for The Devil to pick out to screw with, he picks poor Mandy. Yeah, forget those evil girls on the volleyball team, they're much to righteous. What does this demon have cooked up? If he had any mercy for us, he'd just trick Mandy into hanging herself in her room, but aparently Jack Chick feels we, the readers, must be punished as well. Oh well...let's see what's in store.  I think Mandy would get more friends if she didn't walk around with that dumbass rag in her hair. And what kind of mother just lets her daughter have a slumber party at a teacher's house? For all she knows, Mrs. White is a crazy lesbian rapist! (See the upcoming Chick tract "LESBIAN RAPIST TEACHER" for more details)  Come on, you got the powers of witchcraft at your disposal and you waste it making a table levitate? What is this, The David Copperfield Cult? (Though maybe I should join so I can learn how to use mind control on Claudia Schiffer). And for their next hellspawn trick, they're gonna make someone...GASP!...drop a ball in PE class! Something tells me this group might have been humiliated by the LA CLIPPERS at one point, too. And who the hell is BRUTH, anyway?  So instead of wishing to play better, why not just drag someone down further than you? "Even MANDY is playing better than you!" (HAW! HAW!) Meanwhile the big fat pastor is busy raking in his newfound dough. He looks a bit like Paul Bearer, The Undertaker's manager from the World Wrestling Federation, if you look really close. Here's where you have a common Chick "loss of focus" moment. Is this about witchcraft, or corrupt evangelists?  That church looks an awful lot like The Brady Bunch's house, doesn't it? And that station wagon is a dead ringer for the Brady family car, too ("Mom always said, don't pray Ba'al in the house!") I love how Mrs. White is shaking when she hears that gospel music. If I heard lyrics that bad, I'd probably twitch in fear, too. I wonder if they have radio commercials. "Come to The Gospel Hall, right next to...AL's SHOE REPAIR!"  What the???? Human sacrifice now?  What a bullshit statistic that is. "Between 40,000 and 60,000 ritual homicides occur each year?" Give me a break. In fact, Brad Hicks reports on a "Pro Witchcraft" page (I don't know which is sillier, to be honest), that FBI statistics show that there's only 53 such instances recorded, ever. He also points out that the entire Vietnam War killed about 20,000 Americans, but we're supposed to believe that more than twice that are killed EACH YEAR by Satanists. Shit...if they're that efficient, we should only allow Devil Worshippers in to the armed forces, then we'd kick some major ass across the globe. What exactly was Chick's target audience here, anyway? Does he honestly think some wannabe Satanist is going to stumble on this tract and say, "Wow...I thought we'd just play Dungeons and Dragons and listen to Motley Crue...I didn't know they drink BABY BLOOD!" What Jack Chick fails to mention is that baby blood is rich in Vitamin A and Beta Carotene. Mandy STILL has that crazy rag tied in her hair. If she just unties it, she'll certainly break free from Satan's grasp!  I love how this panel shows you shouldn't necessary condemn people that want to repent, but in the anti-homosexual tract DOOM TOWN, he points out that "rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft", and that "all who rebel against God should be cast into the lake of fire." So if you're a witch, you can be saved, but if you're a gay witch...ADIOS MUCHACHO!  Hmmm...I wonder if Jesus' precious blood can get me out of this damn 3 year contract with THE MICROSOFT NETWORK I signed. What the hell was I thinking when I got that $400 credit for a CD Burner and other junk at BEST BUY anyway?  Nice that the Christians trust in GOD so much, yet are still spooked out by a full moon. And ol' Jack Chick is clearly running out of space, as the last panel shows you that Mandy was attacked by Satanists, refused to deny God, then murdered, and the Pastor dies in his sleep! Jeez! But she wore that awful rag in her head til her dying breath! These are pretty lame gospel workers that can convince her to accept Christ, but can't even get her to stick around and keep from getting killed.  So if you're a baby blood drinking Satanist, you can accept god and make it to Heaven. But if you're a greedy pastor, you're doomed to Hell. If you're like me, you know TONS of people that fall in to BOTH of these categories. So do them a favor, and get tons of copies of these wonderful life saving tracts, and save them while there's still time! Anyone I've ever known that was interested in witchcraft was guilty of putting too much patchouli on than hurting anybody. -Robert
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