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It's been a couple of months since we last visited the work of Jack Chick, so I thought I'd dig out a chestnut from 1976, called HAPPY HOUR. Not since Linda Blair starred in "Portrait of A Teenage Alcoholic" has the evils of booze been captured so grippingly as they are here. A well crafted comic to target the millions of alcoholic Chick readers out there. Though Jesus took the time to make a bunch of wine at a wedding party, apparently it's still wicked to drink. Let's find out why!
Come on, Alice. If that's all the money she has in the world, what the hell is she doing hiding it in a cookie jar? Women that are that silly deserve to have their money taken and spent by alcoholics. I mean Jerry already ruined the family, what could possibly be in it to behave at this point?
Boy are those kids knuckleheads are what? Can't they see from those giant sound effects that there's trouble inside. Looks like Jerry is having a pretty nice morning at the bar, though. Why is Alice trying to keep him from being happy, anyway? Hell, any bar that has Dennis The Menace's Dad as the bartender sounds like a pretty cool place to me.
Nice lady, huh? Instead of helping little Janice out, she sends her off to wander the neighborhood bars to search for her dad. And what kind of shitty bar has a Happy Hour between 1pm and 3pm anyway?
Why does Janice hate The Cork, anyway? I mean I hear they really water down their martinis and the Cosmopolitans taste like piss and Kool-aid, but at least the Happy Hour is a bit more reasonable time of day. Actually you can see why her pop is so indifferent to the plight of his wife. You have to wonder if a guy who hangs out at bars called BOTTOMS UP and THE CORK even likes girls at all.
WHAT? A guy who roves between 3 bars a day is A DRUNK? Stop the presses, Janice, that's the scoop of a lifetime. Gotta love that confident medical team, eh? "I think it's too late"...."At least we tried." Must be an HMO (Haw Haw!)
Boy that little boy is none too bright. And what a great doctor, who's too pussy to tell the kids about their mom, so he gets the neighbor lady to do it. And what's with this revisionist last panel? It's pretty clear Daddy beat up Mommy pretty good at the beginning, but it was her bad heart that made her die? And I'm not so sure their Mom made it to heaven. Word has it she was a Halloween Celebrating, Rock Music Listening, Dungeons and Dragons Playing, Crack Smoking, Lesbian Catholic!
How dumb is Aunt Mary, anyway? Yeah tragic events and stress are enough to keep a fella from drinking every time! And such a big spender, too, "Sorry about your pop, here's $20." I'm surprised she's not asking her to click the banner on the top of this page while she's at it.
Bobby's looking pretty damn tasty right about now, wouldn't you think?
Hey, Janice...how come you can spend all day walking around the neighborhood bars by yourself, but you can't get off your ass to buy some food? Shake a leg you lazy little monkey! And what is that tiny harpy doing breaking those bottles? They could have got some good nutrition out of a gin and tonic. Haw Haw, these days if you brought home 4 bottles of booze for only $20, they'd likely be made out of plastic and wouldn't break at all.
Didn't Jesus also turn water into wine? I'm confused.
And you know what else, kids? MOMMY'S STILL DEAD! HAW HAW HAW!
Robert Berry
rberryxx@pacbell.net
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